And I watched
The sea crashes angrily against the rocks. The winter sun shines down its watery rays, the warmth not reaching my face. The seasons come and go and I still sit and gaze.
A dog is playing on the beach. He comes every day no one knows his name. He acknowledges me and I nod to him, then he goes to get someone to play. The fishermen feed him titbits. He is a canny old dog, who idles away his remaining years free and contented.
The cold wind bites my face; I shiver, though not with cold. It seems only a short time since John, Emma and I used to play here, John fossil hunting, Emma giggling at her sandcastles, looking up briefly to smile and say, "I love you mummy." This was our favourite place where we used to be a happy family, enjoying each other and ignoring the world.
I still remember the day it all stopped.
It was raining heavily, the lorry didn't stop, John tried to avoid it but the lorry was going too fast. The tyres screeched, metal crunched and we all screamed. I turned to John and he was still, blood dripping down from his mouth. I heard Emma whimper I turned to look, she was bleeding and tears washed streaks through her grimy face. I called " Emma, Emma wake up" but her skin was ashen now and her little body limp. I sat trapped sobbing helplessly unable to move. The police peered in, I still remember the look in their eyes as they glanced at one another and shook their heads. Darkness fell enveloping me in a shroud of despair. The next thing I remember are the people, crying, and holding each other seeking comfort from the stranger next to them. They were familiar faces, but caught up in their own grief, unseeing and distant. I came to this place to find the peace I needed so here I sit hoping, watching.
It is my birthday today and I have no one to wish me " Happy Birthday". The people go about their lives unaware of what should be a special day. The fishermen set off for a long day, hopeful of a good catch. Children hunt in rock pools wearing bright coats and wellies, and I smile at the happiness in their voices, joy in their faces. Another family walks along the beach to this spot, our spot, The little girl a little older than Emma carries something in her arms holding it like a priceless treasure. The man and woman walk a short distance behind. The woman, tall and straight, touches the man gently and smiles, he walks slowly next to the little girl, he takes his daughter's hand and they walk gradually towards me. The woman stays at a distance looking out to sea. As they come nearer, recognition twists in my stomach, Emma has grown but still has the same bright shining eyes, John is older too he limps now and looks tired and drawn, his face scarred from the accident. His leg causes him difficulty on the rocks. I want to hold out my hands and guide him but I know I cannot. They lay the flowers down and Emma whispers "Happy birthday mummy" tears in her eyes, not seeing me as I stood watching them. John looks down at the flowers and says “I will always love you but life moves on, I mourned for you but I know you want us to be happy again." The woman walks towards them and Emma runs into her arms and says" come on, let's have fish and chips." Together they walk away and I sat, I waited and I watched.